Perception

Sometimes life is like a kaleidoscope, it only takes one little movement to change the whole picture. -quote from my aunt Susan.
When I moved to Eugene, I was apprehensive about moving somewhere that rain and cloudy skys are commonplace. But when every friend and family member kept asking how I felt about living in Eugene, I began to focus more on myself than a health person should and chose to not like it.
I have been blessed in every environment I was placed. Why do I chose to feel depressed and alone? Much in my experience has been wonderful. Why do I chose to complain? Over analysis is an easy thing for me to fall into.
Over my Christmas break, I had time to do much more than x-rays. In the time spent with my family, I became less uptight-If you know me this is generally the opposite effect. I was encouraged by stories that friends told of God coming to their rescue and answering of pray. I was surrounded by people that believed in the power of God, His instruction, and protection. But it was only after my family reunion and a discussion over a short story my cousin wrote, that I realized that I have not talked to God in a while.
In fact, my once common practice of reading my bible and studying of scripture, to better understand my faith and the God of which that faith claims devotion, was but a distant memory. And with this distance, I found my faith lacking in trust and power of that God. In place of confidence, I became ashamed of my "foolish faith" trusting instead in my empty mind and body.
Tired now, I write about a religion I once claimed with abandon and boldness. Was my boldness only naivety to truth, or now do I choose to be unseeing and therefore dead to joy. I question the act of prayer. The critic in me saying, "Does it just feel better to state the frustrations of life out loud?" Or am I really heard by this unseen God?
Does my lack of faith tie God's hands? It is not that I have choose to believe that there is no God. In fact, my memory of the supernatural and crazy coincidences will never let me let me say "There is no God."
So, I find myself asking that you, God, would give me more faith to trust you and your power. Keep me sane here in Eugene.
Yes, you may laugh at my prayer, here on a blog for all to see. But in your reading of it, you are a partner in my prayer. In this, I pray that God would increase your faith. He is God.
Live for His name and never be ashamed.

Knees to the Earth- Watermark
Wonderful Savior
My heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior
My heart will know Your worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth
Chorus:
Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am....Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You areBeautiful Jesus
You are my only worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

C.S. Lewis Song- Brooke Fraser
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the felsh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
[CHORUS][BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming.