Thankful List Continued 21- 30

21. Planner- With my many jobs and ever random tasks, I would be at a loss without my handy dandy planner. Yay for no overbooking, promptness, and a sense of accomplishment.

22. Pens- Because I prefer to write in pen for school notes, I have made minor adjustments to regular pens. I add silk flower tops and wrap green tape around the body of the pen, to give the illusion of writing with a flower. I even own a pen that lights up blue when I write. Yes, even writing notes in class can make me smile.

23. Fascinating Words- Any word, not often used in conversation, or just the inflection changed, will often entertain me for the remainder of a day. For example, my brother and I will keep ourselves occupied for hours just saying or making up interesting words. My cousins and I as children would name flowers while hiking (This permanently confused me to their true names). Friends in class even, could just say the word "muffin" and it would make me smile. FantastEEK!

24. Teaching- Recently, I have began regularly teaching kayaking and tutoring. However challenging, there is a great sense of joy and pride when the person's face lights up with understanding at a problem or at the accomplishment of completing a roll.

25. Open Mic- An event that began in Klamath this last term. It has brought me great joy with providing a space for local artists to present live music and poetry. It has also become a venue for me to attempt to brave my fears with public presentation.

26. Rain- This last week has been quite rainy- a good change from snow.

27. Trains- I have only ridden the train twice in my life, so far. Both times though, it has been great fun. There is something just relaxing, about watching the scenery change to the rhythm of gentle rocking, that calls back to an earlier days when people were not so rushed and time could wait.

28. Bikes- My most dependable mode of transportation I look forward to sunny days that I can just let loose and ride!

29. Change- Well, I am most pleased when change happens on my own terms, but I do enjoy a switch from the mundane and familiar in routine or location. Currently, I am looking forward to my extern draw, where I will find out where I will be living for the next year.

30. Hair dye- When I get bored, one of the first things I sometimes do is change my hair color. Hence, when I got bored last week, I went from being my natural blond hair color of 12 months to a light brown. Funny how hair color can make my day; but then, my mom always said I had to do something special with my hair- even when I was young.

May I Love You

Love perhaps better known as intimacy: Unfortunately, this is a topic I am most unfamiliar with except, in an outwardly sceptical and naively desirable, or perhaps just a romantic way.

I am much worse at this than I care to admit usually.

I am more sensitive than I let on.

I love deeper than I often express.

It is interesting how a holiday, such as Valentine's can make one question how to show love or to express love at all.

I dislike how people need a holiday to express love, and how it has become just another commercialized venue in America. Yet, at the same time, I understand the need for this holiday, that is suppose to make you think of someone else. Because in self-centered America, we need a reminder to love. We need the date marked in our calendars, so we don't forget to tell the important people in our lives they are special. Sad, how our world has come to this.

Love that is expressed in the bible, I have a hard time finding in life. The Patience, kindness, selflessness, humility, hope, trust and never ending love, I am almost skeptical of its existence.

Maybe this lack of emotion/ expression is something we are taught; To only express emotions in particular situations. I know for myself, I was taught that public displays of affection can only be brief and in greeting or departing. For this reason, I enjoy Valentine's Day because it is another socially acceptable time to say "I love you."

Why can't people say "I love you" more often? Why does the intention of a nice comment have to be questioned? (It is unfortunate that the English language has only one word for the various levels of love one feels.)

Perhaps though, this is too much to ask when I myself, have a hard time just with being vulnerable to let someone even befriend me long enough for love- whatever the level.

If you are one of those fortunate people who I have let stay involved in my life for more than four years consider yourself among the few. Of course, I am not an unwelcoming person, and I love meeting new people. All I am saying is it usually takes me a couple of years to give out more personal information than just the first date material. Yes, vulnerability is something I have never really been very good at. Often, once I get to that point in a relationship, friendship or otherwise, I turn the opposite direction and run!

Now speculating...
Perhaps the reason I am so guarded about me, is because I am such an emotionally attached person. I love people. I think everyone is fascinating. My problem comes when I get attached and then disappointed. I hate being disappointed, yet, it seems to be a familiar place. For this, maybe, I try to guard myself against. Call it self-preservation; If that is what protecting the heart looks like. Cowardice I might also call it.

However my resolve, to not get hurt and to run the opposite direction from love/ vulnerability, I do wish for completely expressed love. I am trying to be patient and listen to the "still small voice" telling me to wait, and that there is one better I am to wait for. (I am terrible at being patient- definitely not one of my talents.)

For now though, I am trying to just work on expressing myself more honestly out loud to those around me. I need to be confident. Writing for me is a start in that direction.

I find it easier to write out what I am feeling than to say it out loud. If my response is quick witted think nothing of my remark. If what is said is a pensive thought that comes in a quite voice, this most likely is more accurate of my true opinion.

I do want to be a better display of Christ in me. I want to be love and in this I need to be able to express myself openly. May I someday be able to be humble and love as my God.
Fill me up Lord, that I my be love and joy.

When life is crazy, make lists.

This week, I truly started my new job as a tutor on campus. This added 6hrs to my work week, and a headache of a new schedule to learn. I tutor chemistry, radiology, Pre-MIT and anatomy & physiology. It is amazing what one forgets after a class has ended. I feel, as if I am actually learning the material, now, that I have to basically teach it. So much for truly learning the first time. This is definitely proving to be a great refresher for me.


Other activities added to my planner this week were: purchase of new snowboard boots for the OP, plan Ice Skating trip for Valentine's Day, plan/ execute a trip to Mt. Bachelor, swimming, dinner party, wine tasting, and Mountain Hard Ware presentation. Yes, my week was packed. Looking back I praise God that everything was accomplished.


This Saturday, the Bachelor trip went well, considering everything that went wrong. In fact, I believe that the students on the trip weren't even aware of most things that happened "behind the scene." My critical thinking skills are definitely being tested! Once again, I am so thankful that my God is watching out after me.


List of complications:
(Yes, this is for entertainment purposes)

• Second rate bus (Driver had to be told what route to take to the mountain.)
• OP credit card maxed out and I had to use my own
• Morning of the trip, my alarm was set for 5pm and my was phone on silent. Luckily, Ryan (student/ friend on the trip) came woke me at 5:35am. (I was suppose to be at the school at 5:25am at the latest.)
• Trent (info desk manager and student on the trip) fortunately had keys into the school and let Abbye (OP staff) into the CU and Subway. (I had the keys she needed.)
• Another OP staff member never made it to the school... still not sure what happened
• Picked up a wait listed student on the way to the mountain
• A student vomited on the bus
• 2 students were injured on the mountain before 3pm. One had to be taken down the mountain on a sled.
• After returning to Klamath, the bus almost left the OIT parking lot with my bag still on board

Even with all these inconveniences, the mountain was still amazing. Mt. bachelor had received 4 inches of fresh snow the night prior, and the day was sunny and beautiful. The summit chair lift was even open! I had not been on the summit for years and the view was incredible! I truly had a wonderful time playing in the powder. (Eric, you should be proud of me. I landed a 180 off a side wall.)

Muscle becomes overstretched and tears...

Exhausted and sore are the two words to adequately describe last week. Vaccines, soccer, birthday celebrations and Willamette Pass trip were all events added to my regular schedule.

With my extern draw a month away, I have much paper work to complete. Proof of vaccinations is one of those. Sadly, I needed two immunizations and some blood drawn to get my file in order. I chose to have my appointment Wednesday, kayak day, thinking that the action in the water would work the vaccine throughout my muscles, lessening the pain. Friday, I am sure my deltoid was sore only from the immunization. Those TB shots are potent.

Thursday afternoon, I played some soccer with friends. My tailbone that I hurt over winter break, snowboarding, I thought had healed. Unfortunately, later that evening my muscles surrounding my sacrum complained of the fast actions demanded of them earlier.

As if my body was not evenly debilitated, I added stilettos to the mix Friday night. It was a girlfriend in the Radiology program's Birthday, so we celebrated. We went out to sushi and later martinis. It was a lot of fun. Add sore feet and tired mind to the ensemble.

Saturday morning, after five hours of sleep, I dragged my exhausted body up to the school to leave for Willamette Pass at 5:30am. We arrived at the resort with plenty of time to catch the first lift. It was a great day with spring skiing weather. I snowboarded the first half of the day, then snow bladed the second. (Snow blades are shorter than regular skis, but longer than snow skates.) I had so much fun trying the snow blades, as I had never been on a set before. Luckily, it was very similar to skiing. While riding back on the bus that evening, I realized that my sacral area hurt even more.

Now, that the rest of my body has recovered from the abuse of the week. All that remains is pain surrounding my tailbone. Perhaps, I have strained some muscles. I was barely able to run a mile today because of the excruciating pain. (Such an unfortunate thing since the weather lately has been wonderfully warm.) It is really bizarre that also the action of moving forward in a chair hurts. I may have over done it.

This seems to be my curse: Fitness equals injury. Rest and sitting still, are just not things I do well.