Extern Starts Tomorrow!

With my final two weeks of summer, my time has been divided between both Eugene (my future home) and Bend (always home).

I moved into a temporary living situation with a friend in my program. After which, I started familiarizing myself with the town. I went on walks of the neighborhood with the family dog, went garage saling with the grandma and took many biking tours with Nick and my mom. Eugene has a great bike system set up throughout the city. Nevertheless, it takes me just under an hour to bike to the hospital from my current location. For this reason, it is a temporary solution to my housing problem. I hope to hear back from an apartment this week. At which point, I will know when and where I will be living for the rest of the year... With my cousin!

My time in Bend, I spent with friends and family. I went hiking around Suttle Lake, up the butte (Pilot Butte) a couple times, and biked around town. The weather has been amazing- Thank you God! With all this, I have managed to distract myself from studying up for extern... shoot! It starts tomorrow! OK, so all I need to do is... brush up on my techniques, positioning, figure out where my lead markers are in storage, find my extern binder and just catch up on house work. oh boy. God calm my nerves.

Bull of the Woods

The begining of summer... What better way to celebrate than a backpack trip with friends.

We (Behak, Nathan, and I) chose to trek a loop east of Salem called Bull of the Woods Loop. This trail promised gorgeous veiws from mt. look outs, wildflowers and impressive old growth trees. It truely surpassed my expectations. It was beautiful. With all the side treks the full loop is 50 miles. We aimed to hike a 40 mile loop. This plan, however, changed as we frequently found ourselves backtracking and cutting new trail. Much of this adventure was over, around and through fallen trees, fording streams, and even sliding over snow. With all of these obsticles, we still managed to find our way back to the car 46 plus miles and 3.5 days later.

Our first evening of hiking was 7 miles in past Opal Pool to a campsite veiwing a lovely waterfall. The next couple days had considerable elevation change and guessing on unmaintained trail- very exhausting! The second day, we hiked 20 miles up to a high lake. I also did a side hike up to Battle Axe and bathed at the lake that our camp was near. (I was nasty and totally fatigued after all those miles of hiking.) Our next day was a lighter 13 miles. We only forded a single stream (less than the day prior) and went up to the bull of the woods lookout this day. The veiw was definately worth the extra mile off the trail. Our final day was only 6 miles to the car - the trail just went to the top of a mountain and then straight down again. HA. The side jont to the top lended no veiw; as it was covered in cloud, but it was still fun knowing that I was at the TOP!

Back to civilization, I am so thankful for warm showers, clean drinking water, and a soft bed (It feels odd, all three of us were sleeping in about the same space that I now command alone.) My memories for this trip will forever be: the beautiful rhododendrons, huge trees, bathing in a high mountain lake, climbing fallen trees, the veiw from bull of the woods lookout (nine mountains! reineer, st, helens, hood, jefferson, three finger jack, washington, north and middle sister and broken top) and the silence of the trek. It was a great time!

Wake up, Wake up!

I find, this year, I did not live a life of joy supplied by a God that is willing to fill. With loss, I decided rather to close off from the people I hold most dear. It was almost as if I made a pact with myself to never have to say the final goodbye to anyone again. As I crawled under the cover of music, exercise and work, I became numb to the world spinning past. What remained at the end of the summer was a shell of a person. Apathetic and uncaring months passed without much recollection of my own.
My next memory is standing on a line of one inch webbing six feet off the ground. Looking down at the grass, I felt fear and pain again as I had just heard of another friend’s death. Tears flowed easier this time. Yet darkness invaded my slow recovering heart, changing it back to dismal. Cold and anesthetized, I finished my time at OIT. There are few moments that stand out in clarity from this last year. They were often triggered by music, wind brushing my face and the beauty of clouds change color in the evening light of spring.
Sad, how the mind closes off. I apologize to all of my friends for not being present in mind. Still, know that those meetings were good for me. Thank you for your patience. Believe it or not, those small points of conversation kept me going more than all the activities I crammed into my life. Those busy weeks of play were only a distraction to keep my mind busy. I healed more talking to you, my friends.
Now coming out the fog, I recognize what I missed living in sadness. Thank you, God, for waking me for the potential final good bye. Uncertain of when we might see each other again, I try to focus on the positive. I will pray for you, friend, continually, that you would be joy filled, live a full life, be confident surrounded by love and peace. John 10: 10 Psalm 5: 11 Ephesians 3:16-19
Ephesians 5: 14
Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
I still pray and hope that you would be aware of my God displaying his love for you daily.
Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. – Corita Kent
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
-Elbert Hubbard
Wake up wake up- everyday Sunday
Fells like I'm going through the motions in the dark
in a world that leaves me with an uninspired heart
All I know, is I'm so tired
living life a barely feel
give me hope, give me fire
gimme something real
'Cause I don't wanna keep sleep-walking through
endless days, I've had enough of
going nowhere, God I want to
wake up! wake up!
wake up!
It's now or never come and pull me from this dream
where everything is colorless and nothing is what it seems
I believe, only you can make me come alive
help me be so consumed, open up my eyes
'Cause I don't wanna keep sleep-walking through
endless days, I've had enough of
going nowhere, God I want to
wake up! wake up!
wake up!
Half Asleep
I'm so bored
counting sheep
'Cause I don't wanna keep sleep-walking through
endless days, I've had enough of
going nowhere, God I want to
wake up! wake up!
wake up!

"First Time" - lighthouse
We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you, holding my breath,
For once in my life, I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside.
Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time
The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes
Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time
We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

(This is what a God moment feels for me.)

Subject to scrutiny

Background images blur past and around a girl; images of beautiful thoughts: A flashing panorama of waterfall mist, mountain-scenes, lazy river canoeing, color cascades of fall leaves, crashing waves, flowers in bloom, family photos, and sudden lightening. Her eyes close hard hoping to keep these images the center of attention… it is the attempted focus of my mind. But then I remember that in this tornado of images, I am alone.
It is from this perspective that I feel so many eyes examining ever aspect of me. I am the subject to scrutinize. Yet, there is also my own view, which is perhaps more painful. I am my own worst critique.

Mostly, what makes me blush is the true person I see in the mirror. This is an embarrassment because she rarely shows her face. Awkward as a teenager newly accustom to the body that God gave, she is hidden. I prefer to veil her behind the baggy pessimism that never shows disappointment, because it was all predicted. Let me downsize every expectation, so that failure is never felt. Sarcasm is a common cover. I will not show weakness. Humility is being stepped on. Why can’t I just be meek? I hide behind the spikes that feel no pain. In truth, it is to hide the sadness and frustration. I hate the sound goodbyes make, hope released. Truly, I enjoy the smell of rain, the sparkle of happiness, refreshing freedom, quiet of snow, breath on a crisp autumn morning, small things, kept promises, summer skin, and music. Embarrassment is a moment to learn and hardship displays true character. Who am I now?

Proof of amazingness!

The two places I feel closest to God are at the beach and on top of mountains. So, when my friend asked if I would like to climb Mt. Saint Helens and snowboard down, I could not resist the offer.

We first traveled to his parents house to drop off boxes and spend the night. I got to shoot a shot gun for the first time in my life! (Because I am left eye dominant and right handed, I had a hard time at first aiming. This was soon remedied and I blasted the bajeezes out of the target!)

The next day we drove to Portland, went to lunch with his sister and uncle, walked along the river and watched a rail jam in downtown; all prior to leaving for the mountain. On the way to camp we (group of five mountain enthusiasts) stopped at the near-by reservoir to jump from a rope swing.

After less than 6hrs of sleep, we started our ascension of the mountain. Five hours later, we reached the summit! The clarity of weather made it possible to north to the Olympic mountains and south to Mt. Washington. It was incredible! Saint Helens was definitely alive, sulfur fumes billowed from her crater- totally adding to the craziness of this mountain adventure.

Snowboarding down was a bit of a challenge for me. I had never been back country snowboarding or on a board with a backpack before. -Even with all my slushy biffs, I totally had a blast and definitely now, prefer the speedy descent over the regular hike down. We some guys going down in garbage bags... I might opt for this lighter option next time ;)

20 plus hours awake, we arrived back in Klamath exhausted but enthused about our accomplishment. Thanks for the invite Nate. It was a blast!