my thoughts are racing tonight. not sure what direction or if there is an order to the images that pass before my minds eye.
poetry to daily events. tasks for the next day to family. conversation i missed to the sound of the rain outside my window. beauty. music.
things i want to do before i die, to things that i do that probably race me toward my demise quicker than intended. (thank the lord that he has appointed the number of my days.) i wonder what my end will be? will it be exciting? will i have peace in its arrival? death of family, friends, and people i cared for makes me wonder. all i know is i don't want to be alone.
i am normally not this morbid or lonely in my thinking. maybe it is the rain tonight or the cold air coming through my room window. whatever the reason, i wonder about the end and the purpose of my life.
priorities. i know that i am devoted to my studies, but not as much as i am to distractions. team distraction! some of my friends joke that i will be the cause of there gpa's dropping a full point.
i enjoy having fun, especially with friends. i want to live each day fresh, grateful for all the good things that happen. i want to love every person without reservation, and truly get to know them and their quirks. i want to travel and try all things. joy.
what happens in the stillness that i am trying to fill it with everything/ anything? why is it that only at the beach, on top of a dune looking out over the ocean, am i content to be lost in my thoughts and patient in the quite? is it there in the stillness that i have quited my mind to listen? why am i afraid to listen? what will be said to my heart that i am too afraid to hear? may i understand?
Ephesians 3:17-19
and i pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
