some days i wonder if what i am studying is truly what i am meant to pursue. i suppose my resolve waivers proportionally with my confidence and success during the day.
this week, i have been disappointed by the amount of time i have spent in the OR merely standing and observing. Yet, when i was given he opportunity to practice, my lack of confidence was evident and my ability to preform was questioned.
i need the practice to become more efficient and am thankful for those persons that are patient. it is frustrating when asked to move the c-arm using the in-correct medical jargon for the motion desired. i am set up to fail in that scenario. i also feel that i am trying to pay attention to too many details and instead of being recognized as cautious, i am labeled as incompetent. don't people remember when they were learning? i wish people would just communicate what they want visualized and I'll get that image, but i can't read minds and i am not yet familiar with enough of the cases and doctor's preferences to anticipate perfectly.
it is hard persevering and continuing to care when made a fool.
pray for me.
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