Christmas Music That Makes Me Laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjwiwcUKK1c

If you have not heard this song, you simply must. "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas."

Break!

Eleven days off from work! Most people hear this number and think that is a great amount of time. When in all actuality, it is less than half of the time I got last year as a student. I guess that this is suppose to be the easing into the work environment and the outrageous amount of time our country makes you work between breaks.
Breaks are good for all people. I mean without rest people become cranky, obsessive, rude and self absorbed. Heck, I bet people would easily become more concerned about the costumer and quality of work they were producing if they had adequate rest.
Over my break, I hope to relax, but know that I will be packing in much visiting with friends and family. Once again, pouring myself out in time and actions of love. It is a good thing that this obligation is more of a joy. I am really looking forward to the chaos of dates with loved ones. Bring on the fun!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!

Reflections... You will be my future.

The decisions you make today, shape who you will be tomorrow.
This quote and the the ensuing many "what if" moments in my past, have consumed my thoughts this last week. It is almost like I can see a double parallel with my current life, and the one I might have had if I had made different choices.
If I had chose to continue with nursing... would I be done with school, employed, practicing medicine on a mercy ship?
If I had said yes to more than a date... would I be engaged or married like so many of my friends?
If I had never taking the health occupations class... would I be pursuing art or considering the choice of pregnancy in the future?
If I had cared less about a marketable major... would I be finished with school in outdoor recreation or language or living on the mission field?
As it stands now, I look in the mirror and wonder. I know that I am thankful for the experiences I have had at OIT working with the outdoor program and the people I met there. I certainly enjoyed the learning about radiology and physiology. But the constant things, are what help me to not loose focus of the daily joys- being outdoors, a cup of hot tea, art (all kinds, but definitely music) and the constant faces/ conversations with true friends (thanks for all the randomness).
Yes, always it has been the relationships, adventures and conversations with friends, that have brought me the most joy. I love spending time with people, hearing their stories, sharing a meal, and being challenged to understand more. I guess in this my God has blessed me: that I have never been a place where I have not felt like I was missing these things that keep me full of joy. Thank you Lord that I can never be separated from your provision and love, no matter what my decision is, you will be my future and my joy.

Revision

Running
Chaos stops with beginning
Crashing waves pound deep
Rhythm of a footfall
A massage within my soul
This is the time for me

A moment
Claim earth and wind
Relaxation comes in an Instance
Current caresses face and hair
A breath inhaled
This is time for me

Clarity
No more lists
Forgotten are business and anarchy
Peace within restored
Each foot falls
This is time for me

I finished it!

Art projects, for me, are opportunities to play with new mediums. Generally by the end of the experiment, I will have learned how to use it and whether I like the medium enough to use it again in the future.

My most recent experiment was with matte. I chose a paste that would dry clear and not shine, effectively just adding texture to the painting. This endeavor gave me a bit of a heart attack, as the matte goes on completely opaque. I was so scared that I would never again see the image that took me months to paint. Hours later as it began to dry the colors started to show through. It still took the painting a week to completely dry. Yes, I was stressing it the whole time.

My friend Nathan was the lucky candidate for the art as his birthday was coming up (and so also inspired the subject). Well, his birthday passed and so did his graduation. Luckily, I finished the painting before Christmas, and can now say that I was ahead of that time of gift giving.

Here is a picture of the finished product!

Song for november five

"Burn Out Bright"
Does it have to start with a broken heart
Broken dreams and bleeding parts
We were young and world was clear
But young ambition disappears
I swore it would never come to this
The average, the obvious
I'm still discontented down here
I'm still discontented
If we've only got one try
If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side
Then before I die
I want to burn out bright
A spark ignites
In time and space
Limping through this human race
You bite and claw your way back home
But you're running the wrong way
The future is a question mark
Of kerosene and electric sparks
There's still fire in you yet
Yeah there's still fire in you!
I keep cleaning up the mess
I've made I won't run away
I can't sleep in the bed I've made

Song for November Third

Equally Skilled – Jon foreman

I feel like a fruit-picker who arrived here

After the harvest

There's nothing here at all

Nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people are all gone

There's not one honest soul left alive

Here on the planet

We're all murderers and thieves

Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands are equally skilled

At doing evil, equally skilled

At bribing the judges, equally skilled

At perverting justice

Both of our hands

Both of our hands

The day of justice comes

And is even now swiftly arriving

Don't trust anyone at all

Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father

The daughter despises even her mother

Look, your enemies arrive

Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled

At doing evil, equally skilled

At bribing the judges, equally skilled

At perverting justice

Both of their hands

Both of their hands

No, don't gloat over me

Though I fall, though I fall

I will rise again

Though I sit here in darkness

The Lord, the Lord alone

He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord

Punishes me for the wrongs I've done

Against Him

After that, He'll take my case

Bringing me to light and the justice

For all I have suffered

And both of His hands

Are equally skilled

At ruining evil, equally skilled

At judging the judges, equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

Both of His hands

Are equally skilled

At showing me mercy, equally skilled

At loving the loveless, equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

Both of His hands

Something about the rain

Once again, it has been a wonderful weekend. I say that as if it is almost over, truth is I have another day :) This week, my weekend included Friday!
For Friday, though it was raining, my friend and I went hiking around Mt Pisgah. It was great getting out in nature and exploring all the miles of trails that surround the hill. Plus, there weren't that many people out because it was raining= glorious. We got pretty soaked but had a good time.
I just got back from the REI scratch and dent sale (very similar to the REI garage sales). I purchased a thermarest, thermal pants, a portable chair, and some bike gloves all for under $34. Surprising also, was a friend from klamath waiting in the line. It was nice to catch up and just chat.
The sun is shining and I just picked up two free pumpkins! Really could the day get any better?! Actually, yes! I now am off to watch the u of o football game at a friend's house and then there is a birthday party for a girlfriend this evening. Then tomorrow, I am checking out a new church and having a dinner party. Somewhere in between all this, pray that I get some studying done, as I have a test over radiation protection this coming week.
I hope you dance by lee ann womack is the song going through my head right now.
Enjoy the day!

Living for the Weekend

Last weekend, I visited my cousin and his community group. It was a great time of talking to people that love Jesus and then worshiping Him. The next day, I went hiking with some friends up to Mary's Peak. Mary's Peak is the highest point in the coastal range at 4,097 ft. The weather was great and we were able to barely make out the Cascade Mountains through the fire smoke.

The following day my friend Nathan and I drove out to the Three Sister's Wilderness to do some hiking. We hiked Tam McCarther's Rim, to little Three Creek's Lake for camp and then finally to Park Meadow. It was an exhausting and wonderful time being at the base of my mountains. I even got a sun burn to prove it!

This weekend has also been a wonderful time of enjoying all things "Fall." My cousin and I went to the Eugene Independent Film Festival, hiked Mt Pisgah, picked apples, bought other produce at a local farm (squash, pumpkin, pears, tomatoes), and went to the Saturday market. I watched the football game, went to a ballet production, and tonight I am going to hang out with Bekah and then go to a corn maze! All the trees outside my window are changing color and the air has a bight that I enjoy so much in the sun. I love fall!

pushing against a wall

some days i wonder if what i am studying is truly what i am meant to pursue. i suppose my resolve waivers proportionally with my confidence and success during the day.
this week, i have been disappointed by the amount of time i have spent in the OR merely standing and observing. Yet, when i was given he opportunity to practice, my lack of confidence was evident and my ability to preform was questioned.
i need the practice to become more efficient and am thankful for those persons that are patient. it is frustrating when asked to move the c-arm using the in-correct medical jargon for the motion desired. i am set up to fail in that scenario. i also feel that i am trying to pay attention to too many details and instead of being recognized as cautious, i am labeled as incompetent. don't people remember when they were learning? i wish people would just communicate what they want visualized and I'll get that image, but i can't read minds and i am not yet familiar with enough of the cases and doctor's preferences to anticipate perfectly.
it is hard persevering and continuing to care when made a fool.
pray for me.

Thankful

Faithful- Brooke Fraser

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave

I wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might

I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here

But the comfort of you near is what I long for

[CHORUS]

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same

When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray

And I want you more than I want to live another day

And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone

I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right

So I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue,

knowing you're the only one who knows me

You know me

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]

Show me how I should live this

Show me where I should walk

I count this world as loss to me

You are all I want

You are all I want

God is like a wind that comes into your life; you don't know where it comes from or where it is going but only that life will be great!

Somehow, this week I lost my fervor for life. I went through my routine trying to hold my energy level at the same as normal. Tired, I hit the weekend finally. It was then that God made me aware of the reason for my weeks exhaustion; I had forgot Him. My effort for overflowing joy of course fell short, and was the reason for my exhaustion. No one can keep a facade going and not be tired.
My God, my energy and joy, grant me grace.
I feel like the people of Israel in the book of Nehemiah. I want to cry, read the word and remember everything that You have done for me. I am so thankful that God, you extend grace every time I forget that You are my reason for everything. Restore my passion and fill me with love. I want to live in a way that reflects my dependence on you. Thank you for your faithfulness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1k8yIwS5nI
None but Jesus- Hillsong United
In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more

Things That Make Me HAPPY

I was a passenger in a sailboat race! It was possibly one of the most exhilarating feelings hanging out off the edge of the boat to counter the force of the wind. I definitely could get into racing myself in the future.

Being out in Nature. Went backpacking with my parents and brother. We use to backpack as a family at least once a year. So, it was really nice to do even a short trip with them briefly when I visited home last weekend. Plus the weather and scenery were amazing!

Good food with loved ones. I enjoy a good meal and then sharing it with people I love, while mixing in good conversation- one of my favorite things for sure.

Weekdays to Weekends

These last two months have flown by; particularly the last three weeks.

Weekdays, I am exhausting my brain with radiography/ hospital procedures. Weekends, I am exhausting my body with outdoor recreation and travels. Perhaps, my irregular sleep schedule is possibly the most exhausting of all. My schedule at the hospital changes every week, ranging from starting at 5:30- 12am. This leads to the inevitable problem on the weekend of being unable to sleep in late. In fact, I am lucky if my body will let me sleep till 8am- even after a late night of craziness.

Even though, it has been fun. I have been to the beach multiple times, had a glorious birthday weekend, and most recently took a trip over to Smith Rock for some spectacular climbing.

Upon my birthday weekend I will elaborate further. (Mainly, because so many people came together to make it spontaneously grand.) In total, I went out to dessert with my friends at Sweet Life, went to a concert featuring the Silversun Pickups, Manchester Orchestra, and Cage the Elephant. I also went on a hike up Spencer's butte, went out to lunch at the Bernstein, visited Saturday Market, and went to a Shakespeare play in the park. Not to mention shot some impressive guns, a bow and a couple airsoft guns and finished off with a hike up Skinner's Butte. Yes, the year of twenty three shall be grand.

Ha, twenty three even started with a trip to Smith Rock climbing multi-pitch for the first time ever! Yes, life is good.

500ft up!

Loving ALL - The mark of a Christian

A good reminder from bible study this week.

Matthew 5: 43-48
You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

A friend recently told me she doesn't want to be called Christian any longer because it is only synonyms with the word hypocrite. I feel this verse calls us, Christians, back to truly what a Christian is called/ defined by- simply, love. But not just any love. Love that is defined by God and is His own. His love is not a pampering love that allows you to do what is comfortable. It is a love that is not marred by feelings. No, simply it is a action, a choice. This love is one that speaks truth and rebukes sin, judges and confronts sin. It is a love that was demonstrated for us while we were still considered Christ's enemies, when he was beaten, bruised, mocked, and tortured till death on a cross. Yes, Christ demonstrated that we should love ALL.
We are not to love showing partiality to those that loved us first. If we do this we are just like everyone else. What sets us apart as changed and impacted by Christ is when we love those that do not love us, to love every person we come into contact, even the people that make life difficult.
Final thoughts from Proverbs and Corinthians:
Proverbs 24: 17
Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away
Proverbs 25:21
If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
1 Corinthians 13:6
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Therefore love, and love as your heavenly Father.

Coffee Mug Poem...

Human thought has no limit. At its risk and peril, it analyses and dissects its own fascination. We could almost say that, by a sort of splendid reaction, it fascinates nature; the mysterious world which surrounds us returns what it receives; it is probable that the contemplators are contemplated. However that may be, there are men on the earth- if they are nothing more-- who distinctly perceive the heights of the absolute in the horizon of their contemplation, and who have the terrible vision of the infinite mountain
- Victor Hugo

Living in Eugene

My mind has been on overdrive these last two weeks. I have been memorizing the city of Eugene, Sacred Heart Medical Center at Riverbend, Hospital Procedures, Radiographic Techniques, Patient Positioning, and so much more. The time has past quickly. Yet, I feel I have taken in enough information equivalent to an entire term of college.

Trying to enjoy my summer and balance my work/ social life, I have also been playing hard during my days/ hours off. I work from 7:00am to 3:30pm (though it is often later than that). This allows me to have the afternoon to study, exercise, and hang out.

Nick and I have been exploring on the weekends. We went to Shotgun creek over the 4th of July weekend and watched the local fireworks from the top of Skinner's Butte in the center of town. Last weekend, we met up with his grandparents out near Carmen & Smith Reservoir to do some camping and fishing. It was so much fun hiking around and boating on the reservoir and Clear Lake. The weather was wonderful and the adventuring was a blast. I love that area of Oregon!

I am also starting to appreciate Eugene and enjoy being here. More importantly though, I am finally feeling comfortable with living at Nick's grandparent's house and jumping in on various procedures in the hospital. Thanks for all the prayers. Keep them coming; next week I need to start comping on exams. (I need to comp 16 exams before September.)

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It is not an accident that I am in Eugene. For this reason, I am so excited to see what God has planned for me during my time here. There is a purpose.

Extern Starts Tomorrow!

With my final two weeks of summer, my time has been divided between both Eugene (my future home) and Bend (always home).

I moved into a temporary living situation with a friend in my program. After which, I started familiarizing myself with the town. I went on walks of the neighborhood with the family dog, went garage saling with the grandma and took many biking tours with Nick and my mom. Eugene has a great bike system set up throughout the city. Nevertheless, it takes me just under an hour to bike to the hospital from my current location. For this reason, it is a temporary solution to my housing problem. I hope to hear back from an apartment this week. At which point, I will know when and where I will be living for the rest of the year... With my cousin!

My time in Bend, I spent with friends and family. I went hiking around Suttle Lake, up the butte (Pilot Butte) a couple times, and biked around town. The weather has been amazing- Thank you God! With all this, I have managed to distract myself from studying up for extern... shoot! It starts tomorrow! OK, so all I need to do is... brush up on my techniques, positioning, figure out where my lead markers are in storage, find my extern binder and just catch up on house work. oh boy. God calm my nerves.

Bull of the Woods

The begining of summer... What better way to celebrate than a backpack trip with friends.

We (Behak, Nathan, and I) chose to trek a loop east of Salem called Bull of the Woods Loop. This trail promised gorgeous veiws from mt. look outs, wildflowers and impressive old growth trees. It truely surpassed my expectations. It was beautiful. With all the side treks the full loop is 50 miles. We aimed to hike a 40 mile loop. This plan, however, changed as we frequently found ourselves backtracking and cutting new trail. Much of this adventure was over, around and through fallen trees, fording streams, and even sliding over snow. With all of these obsticles, we still managed to find our way back to the car 46 plus miles and 3.5 days later.

Our first evening of hiking was 7 miles in past Opal Pool to a campsite veiwing a lovely waterfall. The next couple days had considerable elevation change and guessing on unmaintained trail- very exhausting! The second day, we hiked 20 miles up to a high lake. I also did a side hike up to Battle Axe and bathed at the lake that our camp was near. (I was nasty and totally fatigued after all those miles of hiking.) Our next day was a lighter 13 miles. We only forded a single stream (less than the day prior) and went up to the bull of the woods lookout this day. The veiw was definately worth the extra mile off the trail. Our final day was only 6 miles to the car - the trail just went to the top of a mountain and then straight down again. HA. The side jont to the top lended no veiw; as it was covered in cloud, but it was still fun knowing that I was at the TOP!

Back to civilization, I am so thankful for warm showers, clean drinking water, and a soft bed (It feels odd, all three of us were sleeping in about the same space that I now command alone.) My memories for this trip will forever be: the beautiful rhododendrons, huge trees, bathing in a high mountain lake, climbing fallen trees, the veiw from bull of the woods lookout (nine mountains! reineer, st, helens, hood, jefferson, three finger jack, washington, north and middle sister and broken top) and the silence of the trek. It was a great time!

Wake up, Wake up!

I find, this year, I did not live a life of joy supplied by a God that is willing to fill. With loss, I decided rather to close off from the people I hold most dear. It was almost as if I made a pact with myself to never have to say the final goodbye to anyone again. As I crawled under the cover of music, exercise and work, I became numb to the world spinning past. What remained at the end of the summer was a shell of a person. Apathetic and uncaring months passed without much recollection of my own.
My next memory is standing on a line of one inch webbing six feet off the ground. Looking down at the grass, I felt fear and pain again as I had just heard of another friend’s death. Tears flowed easier this time. Yet darkness invaded my slow recovering heart, changing it back to dismal. Cold and anesthetized, I finished my time at OIT. There are few moments that stand out in clarity from this last year. They were often triggered by music, wind brushing my face and the beauty of clouds change color in the evening light of spring.
Sad, how the mind closes off. I apologize to all of my friends for not being present in mind. Still, know that those meetings were good for me. Thank you for your patience. Believe it or not, those small points of conversation kept me going more than all the activities I crammed into my life. Those busy weeks of play were only a distraction to keep my mind busy. I healed more talking to you, my friends.
Now coming out the fog, I recognize what I missed living in sadness. Thank you, God, for waking me for the potential final good bye. Uncertain of when we might see each other again, I try to focus on the positive. I will pray for you, friend, continually, that you would be joy filled, live a full life, be confident surrounded by love and peace. John 10: 10 Psalm 5: 11 Ephesians 3:16-19
Ephesians 5: 14
Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
I still pray and hope that you would be aware of my God displaying his love for you daily.
Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. – Corita Kent
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
-Elbert Hubbard
Wake up wake up- everyday Sunday
Fells like I'm going through the motions in the dark
in a world that leaves me with an uninspired heart
All I know, is I'm so tired
living life a barely feel
give me hope, give me fire
gimme something real
'Cause I don't wanna keep sleep-walking through
endless days, I've had enough of
going nowhere, God I want to
wake up! wake up!
wake up!
It's now or never come and pull me from this dream
where everything is colorless and nothing is what it seems
I believe, only you can make me come alive
help me be so consumed, open up my eyes
'Cause I don't wanna keep sleep-walking through
endless days, I've had enough of
going nowhere, God I want to
wake up! wake up!
wake up!
Half Asleep
I'm so bored
counting sheep
'Cause I don't wanna keep sleep-walking through
endless days, I've had enough of
going nowhere, God I want to
wake up! wake up!
wake up!

"First Time" - lighthouse
We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you, holding my breath,
For once in my life, I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside.
Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time
The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes
Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time
We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

(This is what a God moment feels for me.)

Subject to scrutiny

Background images blur past and around a girl; images of beautiful thoughts: A flashing panorama of waterfall mist, mountain-scenes, lazy river canoeing, color cascades of fall leaves, crashing waves, flowers in bloom, family photos, and sudden lightening. Her eyes close hard hoping to keep these images the center of attention… it is the attempted focus of my mind. But then I remember that in this tornado of images, I am alone.
It is from this perspective that I feel so many eyes examining ever aspect of me. I am the subject to scrutinize. Yet, there is also my own view, which is perhaps more painful. I am my own worst critique.

Mostly, what makes me blush is the true person I see in the mirror. This is an embarrassment because she rarely shows her face. Awkward as a teenager newly accustom to the body that God gave, she is hidden. I prefer to veil her behind the baggy pessimism that never shows disappointment, because it was all predicted. Let me downsize every expectation, so that failure is never felt. Sarcasm is a common cover. I will not show weakness. Humility is being stepped on. Why can’t I just be meek? I hide behind the spikes that feel no pain. In truth, it is to hide the sadness and frustration. I hate the sound goodbyes make, hope released. Truly, I enjoy the smell of rain, the sparkle of happiness, refreshing freedom, quiet of snow, breath on a crisp autumn morning, small things, kept promises, summer skin, and music. Embarrassment is a moment to learn and hardship displays true character. Who am I now?

Proof of amazingness!

The two places I feel closest to God are at the beach and on top of mountains. So, when my friend asked if I would like to climb Mt. Saint Helens and snowboard down, I could not resist the offer.

We first traveled to his parents house to drop off boxes and spend the night. I got to shoot a shot gun for the first time in my life! (Because I am left eye dominant and right handed, I had a hard time at first aiming. This was soon remedied and I blasted the bajeezes out of the target!)

The next day we drove to Portland, went to lunch with his sister and uncle, walked along the river and watched a rail jam in downtown; all prior to leaving for the mountain. On the way to camp we (group of five mountain enthusiasts) stopped at the near-by reservoir to jump from a rope swing.

After less than 6hrs of sleep, we started our ascension of the mountain. Five hours later, we reached the summit! The clarity of weather made it possible to north to the Olympic mountains and south to Mt. Washington. It was incredible! Saint Helens was definitely alive, sulfur fumes billowed from her crater- totally adding to the craziness of this mountain adventure.

Snowboarding down was a bit of a challenge for me. I had never been back country snowboarding or on a board with a backpack before. -Even with all my slushy biffs, I totally had a blast and definitely now, prefer the speedy descent over the regular hike down. We some guys going down in garbage bags... I might opt for this lighter option next time ;)

20 plus hours awake, we arrived back in Klamath exhausted but enthused about our accomplishment. Thanks for the invite Nate. It was a blast!

It's a Balance

This week, I again checked off a hike from the list: Before I leave Klamath. My friend Nathan and I hiked up Skultz Mt. from the moment I finished work on Thursday till dark. It is a great hill south of Klamath with an elevation of 6500. Next weekend, we plan on summiting Mt. Saint Helens. So, this hike was a quick warm up. (The picture is from a fort structure on one of the hills leading up to the top of Skultz.)

Friday and Saturday, I spent with my mother searching for an apartment for my cousin and I. It was frustrating trying to find a place that was open, affordable, in a safe location, central to everything and clean. In a month, I will hopefully have one to claim as my own. One of my other cousins graciously hosted my mother and I for an evening and morning, while we searched the city. It was such a wonderful relief to have a break and visit with him. Thanks Mike for all the great food and hospitality. Our search came to a great end with a hike up Skinner's Butte, dessert at Sweet life and visiting with my friend Megan.

Today, I relaxed after arriving back in sunny K-Falls. I went on a run and laid in the sun. Now, all I have planned for the rest of the holiday weekend is studying, practicing for my practicals, making a grad/birthday gift and cleaning.

OP Trip

I forgot to mention, the mountain biking trip that I went on two weeks ago, was so much fun! I did take my bike for a summer-sault, but still had a blast. We biked for two days, went on some short hikes, to the hot springs, and polar bear plunged the Umpqua River and Totekee Falls. I definitely want a mountain bike in the future.

We gonna celebrate and have a good time

This last weekend was big for everyone in the Radiology Program at OIT. We got to meet and have lunch with our Clinical Instructors. These people will basically be our bosses for the next year. So, it was a pretty big deal to say the least. We also had our banquet where students were recognized for their achievements in the program. It felt like a graduation party, even though we wont be graduating till the following June. It also has made it really hard to focus on the last two weeks of school. I am trying desperately to care about what is being said in my classes knowing that I still have tests and practicals to complete before I leave. (Yesterday, I had no motivation. So, I dyed my hair Egyptian plum :D)

My parents came down for the banquet to celebrate with me. It was really nice to have them down here and to be able to spend some time with them. We even got to go canoeing on the Klamath Lake Canoe Trail and hike Cherry Creek. (Thanks for the adventure.) Thankfully, they also took back with them a car full of furniture to help with my future moving pains.

I hope to bag an apartment/ house in Eugene this weekend when I visit. Suddenly, being homeless for July is not an option for me any longer- hahaha. Pray that I the perfect place.

Side note: I checked hiking up to the "M" (If you have ever been to Klamath you know what I am talking about.) off my list of things to do before I leave the basin. (The pic with Nathan is for you Bekah.

I saw a beaver while biking home today!

Last weekend was GREAT! I was able to catch a ride home to Bend with a fellow classmate. When I arrived my Mother had prepared one of my favorite meals growing up, meatloaf. Crazy, what tickles your fancy when you are young- often it is the simple things. Anyways, after the meal the Mother and I went downtown for the monthly Art Hop. This is a wonderful event that I miss, being in Klamath. Local artists display there work in many of the local shops, and offer free wine and aurderves to admirers. There is often live music as well. It never fails to be a great time of socializing, and appreciation of art and wine.

Saturday, I met up with some old girlfriends at the local tea house- another favorite I miss. We all played catch up, since it had been a good length of time between visits for us all. We four, were all part of the original five girls in the New Hope Church youth group; well, for our age group. Now, two of us are married, one has a beautiful son, one is going off to do humanitarian efforts in Afghanistan, and one is engaged/ graduating (unfortunately unable to make it to the meeting). Then there is me just trying to finish up my Junior year and move to my extern site. At any rate, the tea was good, conversation was great and Clifford was adorable (bubbly baby boy).

The rest of the day was filled with family. We went out to eat, shop and watched a movie. It was a long lovely day.

Sunday, I hiked the butte in the sleeting rain, before joining the brother for church. The view wasn't the greatest, but it was an activity I couldn't pass up while being in town. My whirlwind visit came to an exhausted end with a brief visit with another friend, and quick stop at REI and Costco. And lastly, a brief birthday bash in Klamath for a friend.

I had a great time, though returned to Klamath completely drained. Thankfully, this week I haven't had to test in any of my classes. That will come next week. Pray for me, I will then have 3 tests.

Until that time though, I have been distracted looking forward to visiting Ashland and seeing a play with a friend. In addition now, I will also be anxiously waiting for a mountain bike trip to the Umpqua hot springs/ Tokatee Falls area for this weekends OP trip. I love spontaneous fun! Pray that I don't hurt myself. I have never been mountain biking. I am sure it will prove to be a very fun adventure. :D

Encouragement Through Music and Lyrics

Aaron Shust- Life itself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hBTyzKjlpE
Hillsong United- From the inside out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv0qZl_Qu84
Aaron Shust- Give it all away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy1QxvKZjbY
Patrick Park- Life is a song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt4REiGB_-w
Matt Maher- Your grace is enough http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KweSd6atj2I
Shawn Mcdonald-Have you ever wanted
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3CZIoJZ56Y
Chris Tomlin- Here I am to worship
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2nLyfzBfKw
Stuart Townend- How deep the Father’s love for us
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV2zMZ-nZ7k
Hillsong United- Worthy is the lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR4CCLnmf1Q
Hillsong United- Came to the rescue
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHnaQWyd
Hillsong United- Mighty to Save
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-08YZF87OBQ

Truth... Life is short... Love without reserve

Psalm 19:1-4
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
Rom 1:18-20
The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world god's invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
Act 26:18
Open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith
1 John 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Death

Coming back to Klamath was a little rough this Sunday, after my last OP trip to the coast. I had a major exam in my mammography class, but worse yet was hearing that a friend had committed suicide.
It came as a huge shock to me as I had only seen him just the week prior with a big smile on his face. Eli was a senior and set to graduate. He was very musically gifted and really fun to talk and dance with. I am trying to keep my mind busy on other things, but I find myself just questioning why?
John 10:10 NLT The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
Please pray for friends and family as they say their goodbyes and continue on apart.

Jeremy Camp- There will be a day
... There will be a day with no more tear, no more pain, ...

Overload

I have been busy... yet again.

Yes, I had Spring Break, but that was only after my term ended with final OP trips and interviews, class papers, my extern draw, and final exams.

Yes, I have a destination now that my extern draw is behind me. Yet, I still feel just as anxious, if not more intimidated, about my future in Eugene at Sacred Heart River Bend.

Yes, my break was relaxing, but somehow I am back to being exhausted after one week in the routine of classes and work.

Routine... a word I dislike because suddenly the spontaneous does not fit in and opportunities are passed. Trying to escape the routine of the week prior, I add more to my schedule. Suddenly, I am on overload and still can not fit the spontaneous in. Once again opportunities lost.

The goal for this last term at OIT is to do everything that I haven't done while in Klamath. This includes trips with the OP I've never taken, trying new foods, exploring new locations, viewing a play in Ashland, finishing a painting, actually studying for extern, singing in front of a group, learning a new skill, and loveing all people with-whom I come into contact.

But for now, all I want to do is sleep.

Thankful List Continued 21- 30

21. Planner- With my many jobs and ever random tasks, I would be at a loss without my handy dandy planner. Yay for no overbooking, promptness, and a sense of accomplishment.

22. Pens- Because I prefer to write in pen for school notes, I have made minor adjustments to regular pens. I add silk flower tops and wrap green tape around the body of the pen, to give the illusion of writing with a flower. I even own a pen that lights up blue when I write. Yes, even writing notes in class can make me smile.

23. Fascinating Words- Any word, not often used in conversation, or just the inflection changed, will often entertain me for the remainder of a day. For example, my brother and I will keep ourselves occupied for hours just saying or making up interesting words. My cousins and I as children would name flowers while hiking (This permanently confused me to their true names). Friends in class even, could just say the word "muffin" and it would make me smile. FantastEEK!

24. Teaching- Recently, I have began regularly teaching kayaking and tutoring. However challenging, there is a great sense of joy and pride when the person's face lights up with understanding at a problem or at the accomplishment of completing a roll.

25. Open Mic- An event that began in Klamath this last term. It has brought me great joy with providing a space for local artists to present live music and poetry. It has also become a venue for me to attempt to brave my fears with public presentation.

26. Rain- This last week has been quite rainy- a good change from snow.

27. Trains- I have only ridden the train twice in my life, so far. Both times though, it has been great fun. There is something just relaxing, about watching the scenery change to the rhythm of gentle rocking, that calls back to an earlier days when people were not so rushed and time could wait.

28. Bikes- My most dependable mode of transportation I look forward to sunny days that I can just let loose and ride!

29. Change- Well, I am most pleased when change happens on my own terms, but I do enjoy a switch from the mundane and familiar in routine or location. Currently, I am looking forward to my extern draw, where I will find out where I will be living for the next year.

30. Hair dye- When I get bored, one of the first things I sometimes do is change my hair color. Hence, when I got bored last week, I went from being my natural blond hair color of 12 months to a light brown. Funny how hair color can make my day; but then, my mom always said I had to do something special with my hair- even when I was young.

May I Love You

Love perhaps better known as intimacy: Unfortunately, this is a topic I am most unfamiliar with except, in an outwardly sceptical and naively desirable, or perhaps just a romantic way.

I am much worse at this than I care to admit usually.

I am more sensitive than I let on.

I love deeper than I often express.

It is interesting how a holiday, such as Valentine's can make one question how to show love or to express love at all.

I dislike how people need a holiday to express love, and how it has become just another commercialized venue in America. Yet, at the same time, I understand the need for this holiday, that is suppose to make you think of someone else. Because in self-centered America, we need a reminder to love. We need the date marked in our calendars, so we don't forget to tell the important people in our lives they are special. Sad, how our world has come to this.

Love that is expressed in the bible, I have a hard time finding in life. The Patience, kindness, selflessness, humility, hope, trust and never ending love, I am almost skeptical of its existence.

Maybe this lack of emotion/ expression is something we are taught; To only express emotions in particular situations. I know for myself, I was taught that public displays of affection can only be brief and in greeting or departing. For this reason, I enjoy Valentine's Day because it is another socially acceptable time to say "I love you."

Why can't people say "I love you" more often? Why does the intention of a nice comment have to be questioned? (It is unfortunate that the English language has only one word for the various levels of love one feels.)

Perhaps though, this is too much to ask when I myself, have a hard time just with being vulnerable to let someone even befriend me long enough for love- whatever the level.

If you are one of those fortunate people who I have let stay involved in my life for more than four years consider yourself among the few. Of course, I am not an unwelcoming person, and I love meeting new people. All I am saying is it usually takes me a couple of years to give out more personal information than just the first date material. Yes, vulnerability is something I have never really been very good at. Often, once I get to that point in a relationship, friendship or otherwise, I turn the opposite direction and run!

Now speculating...
Perhaps the reason I am so guarded about me, is because I am such an emotionally attached person. I love people. I think everyone is fascinating. My problem comes when I get attached and then disappointed. I hate being disappointed, yet, it seems to be a familiar place. For this, maybe, I try to guard myself against. Call it self-preservation; If that is what protecting the heart looks like. Cowardice I might also call it.

However my resolve, to not get hurt and to run the opposite direction from love/ vulnerability, I do wish for completely expressed love. I am trying to be patient and listen to the "still small voice" telling me to wait, and that there is one better I am to wait for. (I am terrible at being patient- definitely not one of my talents.)

For now though, I am trying to just work on expressing myself more honestly out loud to those around me. I need to be confident. Writing for me is a start in that direction.

I find it easier to write out what I am feeling than to say it out loud. If my response is quick witted think nothing of my remark. If what is said is a pensive thought that comes in a quite voice, this most likely is more accurate of my true opinion.

I do want to be a better display of Christ in me. I want to be love and in this I need to be able to express myself openly. May I someday be able to be humble and love as my God.
Fill me up Lord, that I my be love and joy.

When life is crazy, make lists.

This week, I truly started my new job as a tutor on campus. This added 6hrs to my work week, and a headache of a new schedule to learn. I tutor chemistry, radiology, Pre-MIT and anatomy & physiology. It is amazing what one forgets after a class has ended. I feel, as if I am actually learning the material, now, that I have to basically teach it. So much for truly learning the first time. This is definitely proving to be a great refresher for me.


Other activities added to my planner this week were: purchase of new snowboard boots for the OP, plan Ice Skating trip for Valentine's Day, plan/ execute a trip to Mt. Bachelor, swimming, dinner party, wine tasting, and Mountain Hard Ware presentation. Yes, my week was packed. Looking back I praise God that everything was accomplished.


This Saturday, the Bachelor trip went well, considering everything that went wrong. In fact, I believe that the students on the trip weren't even aware of most things that happened "behind the scene." My critical thinking skills are definitely being tested! Once again, I am so thankful that my God is watching out after me.


List of complications:
(Yes, this is for entertainment purposes)

• Second rate bus (Driver had to be told what route to take to the mountain.)
• OP credit card maxed out and I had to use my own
• Morning of the trip, my alarm was set for 5pm and my was phone on silent. Luckily, Ryan (student/ friend on the trip) came woke me at 5:35am. (I was suppose to be at the school at 5:25am at the latest.)
• Trent (info desk manager and student on the trip) fortunately had keys into the school and let Abbye (OP staff) into the CU and Subway. (I had the keys she needed.)
• Another OP staff member never made it to the school... still not sure what happened
• Picked up a wait listed student on the way to the mountain
• A student vomited on the bus
• 2 students were injured on the mountain before 3pm. One had to be taken down the mountain on a sled.
• After returning to Klamath, the bus almost left the OIT parking lot with my bag still on board

Even with all these inconveniences, the mountain was still amazing. Mt. bachelor had received 4 inches of fresh snow the night prior, and the day was sunny and beautiful. The summit chair lift was even open! I had not been on the summit for years and the view was incredible! I truly had a wonderful time playing in the powder. (Eric, you should be proud of me. I landed a 180 off a side wall.)

Muscle becomes overstretched and tears...

Exhausted and sore are the two words to adequately describe last week. Vaccines, soccer, birthday celebrations and Willamette Pass trip were all events added to my regular schedule.

With my extern draw a month away, I have much paper work to complete. Proof of vaccinations is one of those. Sadly, I needed two immunizations and some blood drawn to get my file in order. I chose to have my appointment Wednesday, kayak day, thinking that the action in the water would work the vaccine throughout my muscles, lessening the pain. Friday, I am sure my deltoid was sore only from the immunization. Those TB shots are potent.

Thursday afternoon, I played some soccer with friends. My tailbone that I hurt over winter break, snowboarding, I thought had healed. Unfortunately, later that evening my muscles surrounding my sacrum complained of the fast actions demanded of them earlier.

As if my body was not evenly debilitated, I added stilettos to the mix Friday night. It was a girlfriend in the Radiology program's Birthday, so we celebrated. We went out to sushi and later martinis. It was a lot of fun. Add sore feet and tired mind to the ensemble.

Saturday morning, after five hours of sleep, I dragged my exhausted body up to the school to leave for Willamette Pass at 5:30am. We arrived at the resort with plenty of time to catch the first lift. It was a great day with spring skiing weather. I snowboarded the first half of the day, then snow bladed the second. (Snow blades are shorter than regular skis, but longer than snow skates.) I had so much fun trying the snow blades, as I had never been on a set before. Luckily, it was very similar to skiing. While riding back on the bus that evening, I realized that my sacral area hurt even more.

Now, that the rest of my body has recovered from the abuse of the week. All that remains is pain surrounding my tailbone. Perhaps, I have strained some muscles. I was barely able to run a mile today because of the excruciating pain. (Such an unfortunate thing since the weather lately has been wonderfully warm.) It is really bizarre that also the action of moving forward in a chair hurts. I may have over done it.

This seems to be my curse: Fitness equals injury. Rest and sitting still, are just not things I do well.

Mamma always said..."God watches over drunkers and fools."

Over this last month, I have felt as if my brain has left me, only to report back random signals. Fortunately, this deficit body will receive a signal just in time to counter the damage.
For example:
Hood trip: Brain left during meal at a pizza parlor in Redmond. Upon return, 20 minutes after we had left, retainers were remembered left in a napkin on the table. Fortunately, the trash at said pizza parlor was still in the building. After digging for about 10 excruciating minutes, I was blessed with half of my set and a new aroma reminiscent of pizza.
Tubing trip: Brain left Friday night during shopping trip for groceries for OP trip. Brain briefly returns, 6:30am in the morning for a quick shopping trip to pick up forgotten items from previous night. Overdue, brain leaves again only to return an hour and half later, when drivers license and credit card is needed. Unexpectedly, when called, the grocery store had said wallet turned in all intact.

Perhaps my body is rebelling to my jam packed social and academic lifestyle.
...Well, these last couple of weeks have been somewhat more demanding than others.
Here it is the Frazzled list that is a somewhat a stable example of what my week entails...

Monday: catch up on what homework I failed to do before the weekend. Shadow at the hospital. write up my observation. study for a test. class/test. work for 3 hrs preparing trips. do homework. check email. check extern sites. do paper work for extern. swing dance.
Tuesday: early class. run. clean house. random chores. attend OP meeting. homework. review sites for extern. foot sol in the gym.
Wednesday: class. work. organize/ catalog/ rent/ buy equipment for OP. homework. rock climbing meeting. teach kayaking. (job interview last week)
Thursday: class/ test. run. homework. apply for jobs. RDSC meeting. open mic. foot sol. (went to bend last week to replace retainers)
Friday: class. OP prep for trip. homework. rock climb. basketball game. movie with friends. (dealt with exploding toilet last week)
Saturday: OP trip. dinner party.
Sunday: church early. homework. study session with friends. dinner party/ movie.

As overloaded as this list sounds, it is when I have open time that I freak out. I like being busy and knowing my schedule.
The self time that I thought I would have more of with my light course load has definitely been elusive. Turns out, I am still trying to complete the book I started over winter break (2 months ago). Surprisingly, I am still alive, healthy and passing my classes.
Thank you God for watching over me.

11-20

The List continues...

11. Running- Recently, I have found a passion/ talent for running. It has become a great way for me to relax, ponder the day, and talk with friends.

12. Walks- Long or short this is possibly my favorite pass time- Especially, if I am exploring some place new.

13. OP Trips- I just got back from a trip to Mt. Hood Meadows with nine other students. It was a great time of snowboarding and hanging out. Thanks Eric for meeting up with us on the mountain. (The picture above is of me landing a jump!)

14. Books- Also a favorite pass time. I am currently in the middle of the Bourne Identity series by Ludlum.

15. Comedians- I love to laugh. Thank you for movies, friends and jokes that leave me rolling.

16. Letters- Snail mail fell from popularity a long time ago. However, I continue to write my grandmother and a few others. I feel so special when receiving something in the mail and love passing on that same joy.

17. Dance- Inspired by a beat and company, I can not stand still and am delighted to express myself through dance. Lessons have also been a great education in trust of a partner- something I need to be more comfortable with.

18. Tea - Tea is wonderful/ amazing to me. Where ever I am, I find that tea is the best way to wake up or just relax. And with so many options it can fit any mood. Bend recently got a wonderful tea house. If you are ever in the area I highly recommend it.

19. Mountains- Growing up in Bend, I defiantly have an affinity for mountains. (On a clear day and depending on your location in the city you can see nine plus mountains.) The majesty and awe they inspire in there defiance to the encroaching sky is beautiful. In Klamath Falls, where I currently reside, I have found all the locations to best view the three closest mountains: Shasta, McLoughlin, Scott (plus the rim of Crater Lake).

20. Pictures- One of my favorite mediums in art, I love how history, memories and beauty are recorded in a single moment.

Inspired

My cousin, Lisa, started a blog when she was diagnosed with cancer. Recently, she started a list of things that she in thankful for/ praises to the Lord. I found the list a great reminder that "Every good thing is from the Lord,"and am inspired to start my own list. Here is the Beginning of the great things in my life... 1- 10.

1. God- The peace and assurance I feel every time I choose to be aware that You are near.




2. Sun- When I wake to see that it is a sunny day, I know it will be a great day.




3. Dinner Parties- This has become a wonderful tradition that my friends and I started last year. It is so great to be able to enjoy a great meal and conversation with these people.




4. Cars- Being that I do not have a car, I am so grateful for friends that willingly let me borrow or pick me up with theirs.




5. OP- I have worked for the Outdoor Program at OIT for three year. I don't get paid that much, but the benefits totally make my job the best! Free rentals, the opportunity to see so many beautiful locations and meet fun people that also enjoy the outdoors.




6. Rainbows- Over winter break, I was hiking with my Dad and we saw a full rainbow! It was crazy to see the entire arch in full color- amazing!




7. Family- I have been blessed with such a truly wonderful immediate and extended family.




8. Gaiters- This winter, I finally bought some gadders. Such a great invention! I can't believe that I have been xc-skiing and snowshoeing without them. In fact, I used them yesterday snowshoeing at Crater Lake.




9. Traveling- Mexico has my heart forever. The people, food, cites, and color are so vibrant. Washington, DC will hold my interest in history. Victoria, BC my passion for growing things and beauty.




10. The Oregon Coast- Feeling the enormity yet isolated moment while riding surf on a board, Sand under foot, fortified castles, golden dunes, crashing rhythmic waves , catching fresh crab, and the sun slowly disappearing into the distance. So many wonderful memories with family and friends surround "The Beach."

long email from audrey

Check out this great article from the Urbana archives: Knowing God's Willby Robert B.
Munger More from Urbana 81About Robert B. Munger (in 1981) <http://www.urbana.org/_articles.cfm?RecordId=481>

He does not hand us a plan telling us exactly where we are to be or what we are to do at any particular moment.

A fine young Christian man came to see me in my study one afternoon. "I'm faced with some important decisions. I've been reading my Bible and praying but don't seem to be getting any guidance from God. Time is running out on me. I don't know what to do!""Tell me about it," I replied."Well, I graduate in June in engineering. I have two good job offers - one in Utah, the other in California. I'm also considering giving two years as a short-term missionary overseas before making a long-term career commitment here in the United States. Most importantly, I've been going with a wonderful young Christian woman. She doesn't graduate for another year. I need to know if this relationship is of God before I graduate and leave."There they were - three crucial, life-determining decisions cascading down on him at once. Vocation, location, marriage.

You may not be in such a crisis of decision but most students are making major choices. How do we make right decisions? What process will assure us that we are doing God's will?Carrier pigeons have an amazing sense of direction. Across hundreds of miles of strange territory they make their way home with unerring instinct. When released from their box, they circle high in the air until they have gained their sense of direction then fly straight toward their home nest. To gain a sense of God's direction for our lives, we must heed Jesus' words in his call to his disciples. First note some of the basic principles of guidance found in his call. Then consider some practical procedures to help us get a good start toward fulfilling his intention for our lives.Look at Mark 1:14-18. "After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. 'The time has come,' he said. 'The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!' As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men. 'At once they left their nets and followed him."We Are Called to Follow a Person"Come, follow me!" Jesus said. He did not say where he was going to lead them nor did he designate the place of their ministry. The call of Jesus is first and always to himself, to walk with him and be at his side. His first call is not to a particular mission or movement. He does not hand us a plan telling us exactly where we are to be or what we are to do at any particular moment. Rather, he offers himself, saying, "Follow me."Martin Luther confessed, "I do not know the way that I take but well do I know my guide." I would rather have an experienced guide than a detailed map. More than once, with a map in front of me, I have sat in my car completely confused and utterly lost. A good guide may not inform me how he is going to arrive at the desired destination but he will give me directions when needed so that I may make the right decision at the proper time. Best of all a guide is a companion on the journey. "This God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end" (Ps 48:14). To gain a clear sense of direction and move out in today's world according to the will of God, we therefore begin with a wholehearted, irrevocable decision to follow Jesus Christ, to live for him, to be his. We offer ourselves up to him, to serve and please him supremely.We Are Called to a High PurposeWe are to be fishers of men and women. That is big business. I am convinced that the greatest work in all the world is to make Jesus Christ known as Savior and Lord. Give yourself so that you will have a part in fulfilling his reign in the world and establishing to the glory of God the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is bigger than that. Nothing will give you more significance or meaning or dignity or value than the commitment to be Christ's and to be in his will and to do his work in the world. No matter how insignificant an individual may feel, to be linked to that purpose gives supreme significance. "He that does the will of God abides forever" and you are in a forever work that will last.What are you going to do ten years from now? How much is it going to count a thousand years from now? If you have not thought through your intended vocation, you have some business to do with God. Are your plans what God wants you to do so that you may fulfill his supreme purpose? You may not go to a foreign mission field, you may not be in a church vocation, but be sure that you are led by God so that his purpose will be forwarded. Let us be fishers of men and women, in business for God.A man sitting next to me during a plane flight said he was on his way to conclude the purchase of property for his company which was opening a new branch in a West Coast city. He was very excited about the company he represented. Then he turned and asked, "What is your business?" It was a very natural opening and I replied, "I am engaged in the greatest business in the world." "Really?" "Yes, the greatest business, with the most important product, the greatest future and, above all, the greatest president and manager.'It was during the summer following my graduation from the university that I started seriously to follow Christ. Since that time I often have reflected, Suppose I had chosen to live as many of my colleagues and pursue my own plans? I had been accepted at the University of California School of Dentistry. The Depression had knocked out prospects of a future in business, convincing me to switch my major from economics to pre-medicine. Dentistry appealed to me more than medicine because there were no house calls and one could play golf Wednesday afternoons and Saturdays. A good living and a good time were my primary goals.Suppose I had settled for an easy life and personal happiness. What would be my satisfactions now, fifty years later? I am overwhelmed at the incredible grace of God that has given me a part in that work which abides forever, the mission that fills an ordinary life with extraordinary meaning and brings immeasurable rewards in both time and eternity. To follow Christ is to be in the biggest and most rewarding business in all the world.We Are Called to a Powerful Partnership"I will make you fishers of men," Jesus said. In his Gospel Luke relates that the call of the disciples followed the miraculous draft of fishes (5:1-11). All night the men had fished and had caught nothing. Reluctantly, at the command of Christ, they pushed out into the deep and let down their nets. They were amazed to pull in a catch of fish beyond the capacity of their boats to contain. They knew it was not a stroke of fisherman's luck. Certainly it was not due to their wisdom or skill. All they had done was to shove out at the word of Jesus and let down their nets. It was Christ's doing. The Master Fisherman had been at work.In that moment, still overcome by the awesome display of Jesus' authority and power in the miraculous draft of fishes, they heard him say, "From now on you will catch men." Could he mean it? Ordinary people? Sinful people? With hang-ups and failures and average abilities? "Yes," we can hear the Lord reply. "As I worked through you to catch fish, so I will work through you to catch people and do the greater work of God I come to fulfill. Simply follow me. Trust me and do what I say." They forsook all and followed him. As we now know, he did for them what he said he would do.He will do the same for you and me. Jesus Christ is the Master Fisherman enabling those who follow him to do the work of God. He is also the good shepherd who guides and cares for those who trust themselves to him. Blaine Smith puts this well in Knowing God's Will. The shepherd in New Testament times was an autocrat over the sheep. He took charge of their care, saw to their needs, led them out to pasture and brought them back again to the fold. Sheep were utterly dependent on him. Sheep are stupid animals, not knowing how to find their food or make their way back to the sheepfold. But the halting, helpless, even wayward sheep are not left to their own way. They are shepherded. The shepherd's call and encouragement, his rod and staff, make sure every sheep in the flock will safely arrive.We too need not be anxious about getting the right directions from God or be concerned about whether we will have the courage to follow his direction. Instead, we are simply to put ourselves in the shepherd's care. If we want to do his will, he will see to it that we have the necessary information and put within us the desire and the energy to move out with him. He is able even to overrule past mistakes and in the process mature us in Christian life and service. The words of the apostle Paul encourage us: "God is always at work in you to make you willing and able to obey his own purpose" (Phil 2:13 TEV).If you are not certain that you have launched in response to the word of the Master Fisherman, or question whether you have placed yourself in the care of the good shepherd, consider this suggestion. Prayerfully and carefully draft a statement of ownership recognizing the lordship of Jesus Christ over all you are and have, authorizing him to take whatever steps necessary to accomplish his will in and through us. Sign it. Settle it once and for all. Then continually remind him of his responsibility to keep that which has been entrusted to him (2 Tim 1:12).We Are Called to a Close Companionship"He appointed twelve...that they might be with him," to be his companions (Mk 3:14). He wanted them to be alongside in his saving mission, as personal friends. He was teaching and training them to one day carry his mission to the world. More than that, he loved them and desired their companionship just as he loves you and me and wants us to be close to him forever. He calls us not only for what he may bring to us and through us to the world but also for what we may bring to him. Incomprehensible but true. He loves us. He wants me to be with him because he loves me. Do we ourselves not want to be with a close friend just for companionship? Do not loving spouses have joy simply in each other? So God, the source of all true love and who is love, delights in the companionship of our heart the one with his.In following Christ, my first struggle was to be willing to give up my personal plans, to leave family and friends and boats and nets, to follow him wherever he might lead. My second great struggle, which to me was more difficult than the first, was to give up my ambition to be a successful servant of Christ and humbly be and do whatever he wanted. I was eager to achieve great things for God, to preach to crowds of people with numbers of converts and applauding saints. Lovingly he brought me to a deeper level of commitment, a desire to be and do whatever pleased him. One thing, however, I know I must have - the light of his face and the smile of his favor. Here is the key to guidance: we must be willing to do God's will before we know what it is. To trust ourselves to him. To be taught, shaped and led as he shall choose.Roll Up Your SleevesNow let us turn from principles to a few practical procedures. First, offer yourself daily to God. "Present your bodies as a living sacrifice" (Rom 12:1 RSV). As a recruit presents himself for military service, confident that he will be developed into an effective soldier, we are to present ourselves to our commander, Jesus Christ. Each morning report to him' saying, "Here I am. Do in me whatever needs to be done. I give you full authority to take whatever steps are necessary that I may be all that you want me to be and do all that you want me to do." He is completely reliable. He will take us at our word. "In all your ways acknowl- edge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Prov 3:6).Second, pray for guidance and grace. Ask him to make his way plain to you and put his desires within you. (See Lk 11:9- 13.) In Affirming the Will of God, Paul Little recalls his own experience:At the Urbana Convention in 1948, Dr. Norton Sterrett asked, "How many of you who are concerned about the will of God spend five minutes a day asking him to show you his will?" It was as if somebody had grabbed me by the throat. At that time I was an undergraduate, concerned about what I should do when I graduated from the university. I was running around campus, going to this meeting, reading that book, trying to find somebody's little formula - 1, 2, 3, 4 and a bell rings - and I was frustrated out of my mind trying to figure out the will of God. I was doing everything but getting into the presence of God and asking him to show me. May I ask you the same question: Do you spend even five minutes a day specifically asking God to show you?(pp. 17-18)Third, inform the mind. We are guided by the truth of God's Word. The Scriptures are a primary source of our knowledge of God. Here we learn about him and his will for our lives. Here Christ's Word addresses us and his grace promises to support us. John White states it well in The Fight:God does not desire to guide us magically. He wants us to know his mind. He wants us to grasp his very heart. We need minds so soaked with the content of Scripture, so imbued with biblical outlooks and principles, so sensitive to the Holy Spirit's prompting that we will know instinctively the upright step to take in any circumstance, small or great ... Through the study of Scripture you may become acquainted with the ways and thoughts of God.We are guided also by the facts of God's world. People are guided by what they know, not by what they do not know. How does it happen that so many earnest, committed Christians labor in the familiar field here at home and so few choose to place their lives for Christ in the areas of the world where the "laborers are so few"? May it not simply be that they have never been adequately exposed to the facts of the world today or allowed them to penetrate deeply into consciousness?William Carey placed a map of the world above his cobbler's bench and marked on the map the number of people in those areas unreached by the gospel in order that he might pray for them. The modern missionary movement began. The five students of Williams College who took shelter under a haystack to pray and offer themselves to God for world evangelization had been studying geography. The hard facts of lost millions pressed them to pray and to act. Robert E. Speer, who for fifty years was a powerful force for world missions, placed a map of the world above his desk while an undergraduate at Princeton University and made it his business to learn more about the world. He prayed that God would help him know where and how he might best serve Jesus Christ. They all fed the fire of their faith with the fuel of facts.We keep in touch with God's world through persons, periodicals, programs, missionary conferences and workshops. Do not neglect to read missionary biographies. Personal conversation with those in cross-cultural missions is also helpful. Best of all is a short-term or summer mission assignment, many of which are now available through various agencies and mission boards. Continually we are to lift up our eyes to see the fields of God's world, ripe, ready to harvest (Jn 4:35).A fourth thing we should do to find God's will is to join with other world Christians. Jesus called his disciples to a committed company. We must not presume to be solitary followers of Jesus Christ. Seek the counsel of trusted believers. To move out step by step alongside our Lord with bright faith and a warm heart, we need one another as fellow followers - praying for one another, supporting one another, seeking to love one another even as he has loved us (Jn 31:34-35).If, as a result of Urbana, there were to be one thousand teams of three to five students committed to Christ and to one another praying, learning and serving so that God may be glorified and his will done on earth, I believe the impact would be immeasurably greater than if we were to scatter across the land as earnest Christian individuals. We all need a support team around us, caring enough to hold us accountable and providing encouragement and love.Finally, you should get going! Start now right where you are! Sam Shoemaker had a hard-hitting formula for Christian living: "Get right with God! Get together! Get going!" We are called in Christ. We have been given his message. We are now in his service, entrusted with the everlasting gospel. Wherever our lives are touching people there is a God-given ministry with opportunity to listen, to love, to lift, to share and to serve. Flight across an ocean into another country or culture does not some how change us. The statement is true, "Wherever you go, you are there! " When Jesus called his first followers he said, "Follow me" and started walking. If they were to follow him they had to move. They left everything and followed. World opportunities are before us. Jesus is striding to enter them in love and power. He is calling us to follow.It was the summer following my graduation from the university that I ventured to follow Christ. It was quite a change for me. I was about to enter a dental school. It seemed to offer a good living without the demands of the medical profession - no house calls, with Wednesday afternoons and Saturdays for golf. In a Bible class, however, the truth of 1 Corinthians 15:58 struck me: "Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."To give myself fully to the work of the crucified and risen Lord was both right and reasonable. At that time none of my friends were preparing for Christian service. None of my close companions were professing Christians. I moved in one step from a fraternity house to a Bible school. The "culture shock" was profound.When my train was pulling out of Berkeley for school in Chicago, I saw from my train window the lights of San Francisco disappear around a bend of the track. I was profoundly lonely and anxious. Where in the world was I going? In what part of that world would he choose to place me? And what did he want me to do? Would I really find joy and fulfillment serving Christ or would I regret the step I had taken?Suddenly I sensed Another's presence. It seemed as though Jesus himself came alongside, saying, "I am with you and will be with you always. I'm in charge here. Relax. Trust me! Enjoy the journey!" So the years have gone by. I have no regrets at all, only profound gratitude. He has kept faith.