Background images blur past and around a girl; images of beautiful thoughts: A flashing panorama of waterfall mist, mountain-scenes, lazy river canoeing, color cascades of fall leaves, crashing waves, flowers in bloom, family photos, and sudden lightening. Her eyes close hard hoping to keep these images the center of attention… it is the attempted focus of my mind. But then I remember that in this tornado of images, I am alone.
It is from this perspective that I feel so many eyes examining ever aspect of me. I am the subject to scrutinize. Yet, there is also my own view, which is perhaps more painful. I am my own worst critique.
It is from this perspective that I feel so many eyes examining ever aspect of me. I am the subject to scrutinize. Yet, there is also my own view, which is perhaps more painful. I am my own worst critique.
Mostly, what makes me blush is the true person I see in the mirror. This is an embarrassment because she rarely shows her face. Awkward as a teenager newly accustom to the body that God gave, she is hidden. I prefer to veil her behind the baggy pessimism that never shows disappointment, because it was all predicted. Let me downsize every expectation, so that failure is never felt. Sarcasm is a common cover. I will not show weakness. Humility is being stepped on. Why can’t I just be meek? I hide behind the spikes that feel no pain. In truth, it is to hide the sadness and frustration. I hate the sound goodbyes make, hope released. Truly, I enjoy the smell of rain, the sparkle of happiness, refreshing freedom, quiet of snow, breath on a crisp autumn morning, small things, kept promises, summer skin, and music. Embarrassment is a moment to learn and hardship displays true character. Who am I now?
No comments:
Post a Comment