My own judgement?

Trying to find words
Trying not to be too emotional
God is good and God has a plan and a reason for placing desires within me
Oswald March 4
It is easier to serve or work for God without a vision and without a call, because then you are not bothered by what He requires. Common sense, covered with a layer of Christian emotion, becomes your guide. You may be more prosperous and successful from the world's perspective, and will have more leisure time, if you never acknowledge the call of God. But once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God asks of you will always be there to prod you on to do His will. You will no longer be able to work for Him on the basis of common sense.
What do I count in my life as "dear to myself"? If I have not been seized by Jesus Christ and have not surrendered myself to Him, I will consider the time I decide to give God and my own ideas of service as dear. I will also consider my own life as "dear to myself." But Paul said he considered his life dear so that he might fulfill the ministry he had recieved, and he refused to use his energy on anything else. This verse (Acts 20:24) shows an almost noble annoyance by Paul at being asked to consider himself. He was absolutely indifferent to any consideration other than that of fulfilling the ministry he had recieved. Our ordinary and reasonable service to God may actually compete against our total surrender to Him. Our reasonable work is based on the following argument which we say to ourselves, "Remember how useful you are here, and think how much value you would be in that particular type of work." That attitude chooses our own judgement, instead of Jesus Christ, to be our guide as to where we should go and where we could be used the most. Never consider whether or not you are of use- but always consider that "you are not your own" (1 Corinthians 6:19). You are His.

Are you Listening to God? A personal Challenge from Oswald.

We don't consciously and deliberately disobey God- we simply don't listen to him. God has given his commands to us, but we pay no attention to them- not because of willful disobedience, but because we do not truly love and respect him. "If you love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15). Once we realize we have constantly been showing disrespect to God, we will be filled with shame and humiliation of ignoring Him.
"you speak with us,... but let not God speak with us..." (Exodus 20:19) We show how little love we have for God by preferring to listen to His servants rather than to Him. We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we don't want God Himself to speak to us. Why are we so terrified for God to speak to us? It is because we know that when God speaks we must either do what He asks or tell Him we will not obey. But if it is simply one of God's servants speaking to us, we feel obedience is optional, not imperative. We respond by saying, "Well, that's only your own idea, even though I don't deny that what you said is probably God's truth."
Am I constantly humiliating God by ignoring Him, while he lovingly continues to treat me as His child? Once I finally do hear him, the humiliation i have heaped on him returns to me. My response then becomes, "Lord, why was I so insensitive and obstinate?" This is always the result once we hear God. But our real delight in finally hearing Him is tempered with the shame we feel for having taken so long to do so.

Understanding Cynicism-exerpts from a praying life

After reading these last chapters in the book A Praying Life by David Powelson, I realized that my skeptic and critical personality has carried over to much of my belief in "how God responds to prayer." God is faithful though and has been educating me a lot this last year about trusting him. Still I identify a lot with these quotes speaking of cynicism:
If I get an answer to prayer, sometimes I'll think, It would have happened anyway.
I think we have built up scar tissue from our frustrations, and we don't want to expose ourselves anymore. Fear constrains us.
It is easier for me to feel skepticism and nothing than to feel deep passion.
It feels like we can't find the joy in things, like we are too aware to trust or hope.
The cynic is always observing, critiquing, but never engaged, loving, and hoping.
It protects you from crushing disappointment, but it paralyzes you from doing anything.
a praying life is just the opposite. It engages evil. It doesn't take no for an answer. The psalmist was in God's face, hoping and dreaming, asking. Prayer is feisty. Cynicism, on the other hand, merely critiques. It is passive, cocooning itself from the passions of the great cosmic battle we are engaged in. It is without hope.
Weariness and fear leave us feeling overwhelmed, unable to move Cynicism leaves us doubting, unable to dream. The combination shuts down our hearts, and we just show up for life, going through the motions.
All of these thoughts Question the active goodness of God on our behalf. These thoughts ridiculously lack trust in the only person that is really in control and deny Him the glory that is obviously due him. I refuse to be robed of the joy that worry and criticism commands.

Good times, Good weekend

Thanks Shannon for having a birthday on this weekend and reuniting old friends. I almost forgot how good it feels to been known well by people.

Mission Connexion North-West blew my mind with the amount of mission organizations and resources... more to come from my findings in the future I am sure.

Finally, Sunday sunshine made my day. The weather was so clear that my roommates and I saw the mountains while on a bike ride! -Fantastic bike along the Mckenzie River to complete the afternoon.

When Life comes it generally is FAST

The end of a year and start of a new one. This last month has had much change... Engagements of family, has now extended my imediate and extended families. More hours at PCO, more commitment to FBC, more new friends. New bank, new computer, new understanding of God and how he speaks through books and people. Visiting friends, visiting home and saying goodbye- something I am not very good at.
Work has left me emotionally exhausted and raw. Funny that some environments though they try to inspire freedom are very oppressive in other ways. I am constantly challenged in my faith and in my dependancy on God to speak for me when I can not. Miscommunication and lack of trust are very large monsters at work. I am thankful for the lessons in trust and complete dependancy upon my God. Pray that God would be glorified.

My friends visit!

A great weekend starts with friends, food and a new activity: hockey!

Free day at the beach

The night of December 30 two of my housemates and I traveled to Newport to take advantage of a wonderful free gift. The gift: A night at the elizabeth inn all expenses paid. When we arrived we quickly realized this was going to be an amazing New Years Eve. The room had a fire place, private balcony that looked out over the ocean, jacquze, saline pool. Together we explored every detail. My favorite was waking to the waves crashing in the brisk morning sunshine. Our adventures continued with a short drive to yaquina head lighthouse for some whale watching. From there we traveled to Otter Rock to the Devils punch bowl for some sight seeing and wine tasting at the Flying Dutchman. We walked the beach and downtown Newport, ate some sea food and then drove back to Eugene for further festivities with friends.

The night started with appetizers and drinks at Davis's and wonderful homemade chinese at a friends home. While there we were also introduced to the game balderdash- which was so much fun! The evening then concluded at another friends for "just dance" the wii game, dessert, balldrop and sparklers! Yes, yes it was a wonderful start to the new year.