Momentary marriage- John Piper

“Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically; it is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. Knowing Christ is more important than making a living. Treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children. Being united to Christ by faith is a greater source of material success than perfect sex and double-income prosperity. So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it.”

Coffee in the Sunshine

Today, I had time to sit and read one of my favorite books, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. The chapter was about relationships. What love looks like and what our expectations are for the way we receive love. My favorite part is how Miller references all of this back to God's love for humanity.
Both of the following quotes are for the context of marriage; And well, since I am not married, I just have to read them and process if this is how I expect a relationship to function. The second quote, in particular is pretty long, however, I hope you take the time to read it because it is beautiful. It describes a scene from a play that Miller wrote about a married couple that are having a difficult time and how the man chooses "to be  in it instead of choosing divorce."

"[Marriage is] one of the ways God, shows me He loves me is through Danielle, and one of the ways God shows Danielle He loves he is through me. And because she loves me, and teaches me that I am lovable, I can better interact with God."
"What do you mean?"
"I  mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are lovable or unlovable from other people. That is why God tells us so many times to love each other."

What great gravity is this that drew my soul toward yours? What great force, that though I went falsely, went kicking, went disguising myself to earn your love, also disguised, to earn your keeping, your resting, your staying, your will fleshed into mine, rasped by a slowly revealed truth, the barter of my soul, the soul that I fear, the soul that I loathe, the soul that; if you will love, I will love. I will redeem you, if you will redeem me? Is this our purpose, you and I together to pacify each other, to lead each other toward the lie that we are good, that we are noble, that we need to not redemption, save the one that you and I invented of our own clay?
I am not scared of you, my love, I am scared of me..
I went looking, I wrote out a list, I drew an image, I bled a poem of you. You were pretty, and my friends believed I was worthy of you. You were clever, but I was smarter, perhaps the only one smarter, the only one able to lead you. You see, love, I did not love you, I loved me. And you were only a tool that I used to fix myself, to fool myself, to redeem myself. And though I have taught you to lay your lily hand in mine, I walk alone, for I cannot talk to you, lest you talk it back to me, lest I believe that I am not worthy, not deserving, not redeemed. 
I want desperately for you to be my friend. But you are not my friend; you have slid up warmly to the man i wanted to be, the man I pretended to be, and I was your Jesus and, you were mine. Should I show you who I am, we may crumble. I am not scared of you, love, I am scared of me.
i want to be known and loved anyway. Can you do this? I trust by your easy breathing that you are human like me, that you are fallen like me, that you are lonely, like me. My love, do I know you? What is this great gravity that pulls us so painfully toward each other? Why do we not connect? Will we be forever in fleshing this out? And how will we with words, narrow words, come into the knowing of each other? Is this God's way of meriting grace, of teaching us of the labyrinth of his love for us, teaching us, in degrees, that which He is sacrificing to join ourselves to Him? Or better yet, has He formed our being fractional so that we might conclude one great hope, plodding and sighing and breathing into one another in such a great push that we might break through into the knowing and being loved, only to cave into a greater perdition and fall down at His throne still begging for our acceptance? Begging for our completion?
We were fools to believe that we would redeem each other. 
Were I some sleeping Adam, to wake and find you resting at my rib, to share these things that God has done, to walk you through the garden, to counsel your timid steps, your bewildered eye, your heart so slow to love, so careful to love, so sheepish that I stepped up my aim and became a man. Is this what God intended? That though He made you from my rib, it is you who is making me, humbling me, destroying me, and in so doing revealing Him.
Will we be in ashes before we are one?
What great gravity is this that drew my heart toward yours? what great force collapsed my orbit, my lonesome state? What  is this that wants in me the want in you? Don't we go at each other with yielded eyes, with cumbered hands and feet, with clunky tongues? This deed is unattainable! We cannot know each other!
I am quitting this thing, but not what you think. I am not going away.
I will give you this, my love, and I will not bargain or barter any longer. I will love you, as He has loved me. I will discover what I can discover and though you remain a mystery, save God's own knowledge, what I disclose of you I will keep in the warmest chamber of my heart, the very chamber where God has stowed Himself in me. And I will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me.
I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love you. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before i am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.
God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.

Jesus

He has so much glorious knowledge, he knows the father, he knows the meaning of life, purpose for mankind, etc. And he, trying to communicate it in all of his efforts, could not make people understand the depths of his heart until his death and resurrection (in which we still do not fully understand)… Also being limited by the language of man—having to communicate in symbols and parables because human language just would not cut it for spiritual manners…

I am slowly learning the power of vulnerability—and truly believe that, in whatever location you are in, vulnerability is key to unlocking the hearts of the broken.

I am learning to watch for the response. Great art causes a reaction within the observer. Being present to hear the story behind that reaction, I feel, is one of the best places to be. 

God, just showing off in Argentina.

Restoration

Simply put, God answers prayer.

Since my move to Truckee I have prayed for an opportunity to use my training and experience.
My mistake was thinking that my service at the local hospital and short Spanish conversations with patients would be all that God had prepared for me. But God knows the desires of my heart; And boy does He know how to knock my socks off.
Hence, I am leaving on a plane to visit a friend in Argentina!
My heart is for encouragement and full life in Christ to be made known. Nothing is better than coming alongside someone and encouraging them to dream big and to trust God with the details. So, as I set off on the first leg of my flight, I am reminded that God provides the finances, bags, connections, time and encouragement/ peace to leave. And even more reminded He also gives vision!

Designed for impact

As a single woman, I have freedom to go and do. My prayer is to be an advocate, to love as Christ and point those that I meet toward Him. Pray. Encourage. Draw attention to Glory.


A successful journey. Learning to be an advocate.

Thank you God for this blessing:
Your love for others and generous spirit will leave a sweet fragrance in this place.

Familiar

I have been where you are right now- on the verge of making this decision. At the time, it doesn't seem that profound, but later the gravity of it all sets in.
A battle was raging over my soul.
Now in hindsight, I stand understanding who I am at the core, and who God has designed me to be; they are intertwined as an amazing expression of himself. This is not to say I don't continue to battle my own self that resists this perfecting process. I challenge being protected or romanced by my God. And then at the same time cry out abandonment! For, this self, is fearful of change and doubtful- even of Him that created all.
Why heart are you so distrustful and stubborn to love? Do you not recognize love when you see it?
Dear heart, choose today to rest in the above truths and let them sink in deep. Do not be discouraged by the doubt of your mind, but press into the days challenges knowing that you are supported by the creator of the universe. The skill you have been entrusted with is a perspective and talent to be developed and enjoyed. Again, I say, press into the challenge of each day for you are an amazing expression of God and a delight.

2 Corinthians 3:3

 And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts

Fixating on a memory... sweet... painful... why?

Sometimes I get stuck on romantic memories.
Why? What good does it do me. Nothing. It makes me wish that I was still being pursued. It makes me wonder what would have happened if I had be vulnerable and returned the love of another. Then it makes me question what makes me feel so loved in those moments.
Should I tell those moments that were so wonderful?
Should I remember them at all?
It helps nothing to fixate.
Overall, I have learned that I stop any relationship prematurely. I leave, I check out, move or just talk myself out, without even talking to the person. What I need to do in the future is talk, show affection, and tough in out.