it has been a while

time passes so quickly. every year a little bit faster. i find the plans that i made a couple years ago have been pushed backwards or obliterated from memory. my plans to travel and see the world... became limited by my own desire to find a major to stick to. (i found a major, but did i miss my opportunity to travel last year?)
my quest to travel, however, is far from being forgotten. especially, considering all the stories from friends and family that have had the opportunities to travel these last few years. i do feel somewhat left behind or deprived i must admit.
top countries i would love to visit: New Zealand (inspired by my grandfather and cousin Elizabeth), Italy (inspired by my friend AJ), Germany (inspired by my grandmother), Cambodia (inspired by my friend Megan), Argentina (inspired by my friend Max), Spain (inspired by my cousin Aaron), Israel (inspired by my pastor), Ireland (inspired by a friend Megan) and more of the USA.
i love trying new things and experiencing different cultures. the cultural choices of food, dress, custom, and color fascinate me.
patience.

Peace on Earth

I know this will probably sound odd for those of you who know me as the crazy adventure seeking, can't sit still for more than a minute person, but one of my favorite things to do around Christmas is to just sit and enjoy the lights on the tree. I love the tranquility after everyone in the house has gone to bed and all the lights are out but the small reflections coming from the living room. In this moment, snuggled on the couch I relax to the small sparkles amidst the evergreen. Yes, the moments of stillness are the ones I strive to find in life. The peace of snow flakes falling to the earth, steam rising from a warm cup in my hands, the aroma of freshly cut pine boughs, breath caught in the air on a walk outside, and dancing flames in a hearth or on a candle are all my happy thoughts around Christmas time.

lyrics that touched me this last year

MY TRIBUTE
How can I say thanks
For the things you have done for me
Things so undeserved
Yet You gave to prove your love for me
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude
All that I am and ever hope to be
I owe it all to thee
To God be the glory, to God be the glory
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done
With His blood He has saved me
With His power He has raised me
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done
Just let me live my life
And let it be pleasing Lord to thee
And should I gain any praise
Let it go to Calvary
With His blood He has saved me
With His power He has raised me
To God be the glory
For the things He has done

Skillet - Rebirthing From the album Comatose
I lie here paralytic inside this soul
Screaming for You till my throat is numb
I wanna break out, I need a way out
I don’t believe that it’s gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this womb I’m suffocating
Pre-chorus:
Feel Your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take You in
I’ve died
Chorus:
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Right now
I lie here lifeless in this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause I’m ready to
I wanna break out, I found a way out
I don’t believe that it’s gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting In the womb I’m suffocating
Pre-chorus:
Chorus:
Bridge:
Tell me when I’m gonna live again
Tell me when I’m gonna breathe You in
Tell me when I’m gonna feel insideTell me when I’m gonna feel alive
Chorus:
I come alive somehow
Right now
I come alive somehow
I come alive somehow

The Classic Crime - The Coldest Heart From the album Albatross
A couple of years and I’m a silhouette
My halo is broken now, and I’m all that’s left I hate to disappoint but that’s the way things went
I was blind to the things I did and deaf to what was said
Tie up these loose ends, these voices are holding me out
I’ve got the solution you can feed me to something that is leaving this town
Chorus:
Whoa, I’m losing hope there’s a hole in my heart that’s been cut out of stone
Whoa, cold comes cold goes
Could You fill this hole ‘cause I can’t do it alone
A couple of tears and I’m a broken mess
The sadness has taken me far too deep and regret
So sing me a song about something good
My hearts on the threshing floor
I’ve done every single thing I could
I used to believe in some kind of feeling that could change everything
I thought I knew
But that door is closed and my heart feels like it’s frozen
If you hear me, I can’t feel You
Chorus:
(3x’s)The coldest heart can be brought to life
When it’s thrown into the fire of goodbyes
(2x’s)Chorus:

History By Matthew West
West It's been a bad day
You've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes
A world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory
CHORUS
Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history
You know you can't stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today
And don't let your past get in the way
Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making?
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

Adie - Your WayFrom the album Don't Wait
I'm trying to believe that you're holding me
When the feeling, the feeling is gone
I want to see your right when I'm wrong
I just want to be what you want for me this time
(Chorus)
I'll follow you
Will you guide me
Take me where I'm never lonely
I'll follow you
Will you guide me
I want to live my life
Your way
Your way
I'm trying to receive what you've offered me
When the leading, the leading is gone
I want to see your light tear thru the blanket of night
I just want to be what you want for me all the time
(Chorus)
Trust in You my Father
You're the one I see
You're my air and water
You're everything I need
And I hear you inside of me
(Chorus)

AS Far As the East is From the West- Casting Crowns Words and Music by Mark Hall
Here I am Lord and I’m drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know You’ve cast my sin as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before You now As though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Chorus:
Jesus, can You show me just how far the East is from the West?
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find restYou know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way
Chorus:
I know You’ve washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
And I’m not holding onto You
But You’re holding onto me
You’re holding onto me
Chorus:


Paul Wright Lyrics"Paul Wright Take This Life lyrics"
Verse 1:
Take this life Forgive me for the words I spoke before they even left my throat.
My heart would rather rebel than obey.
Forgive me for this life of sin I know I need a new beginning Lord I've gone astray.
Chorus:
Take this life make it yours. Do what's right oh Lord.
You got to take this take this life. You got to make it make it right.
Verse 2:
Take my flesh take my pride take the sins I try to hide, take my doubts take my fears all the pain and all the tears and I fall down on my knees Lord I'm beggin ya please Lord take the shame take the blame it's all the same.
Take this life
Make it right
Take this life
Bridge:
I don't want to live a life that's compromising to the king
I'd rather live for you than live for me or anything
Take this life and all my hidden sins make it yours. Do what's right and everything within oh Lord. You got to take this take this life. You got to make it make it right.

Where The Love Lasts Forever -Joel Houston
Intro:
Verse 1:
Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame is dissolved,
And now forever Yours I'll stand.
PreChorus:
In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.
Chorus:
So I throw my life upon all You are,‘Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance, with You,
Where the love lasts forever.
Bridge:
And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me, Lord You saved me.
Tag:
With You
Where the love lasts forever
I'll be with You
Where the love lasts forever
I will sing to You
Where the love lasts forever
I will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever

Interview with God

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/viewmovie.html

this link was sent to me from a friend and i thought it was a great reminder to talk to God. enjoy.

contemplation leading nowhere -the early morning ramble

my thoughts are racing tonight. not sure what direction or if there is an order to the images that pass before my minds eye.
poetry to daily events. tasks for the next day to family. conversation i missed to the sound of the rain outside my window. beauty. music.
things i want to do before i die, to things that i do that probably race me toward my demise quicker than intended. (thank the lord that he has appointed the number of my days.) i wonder what my end will be? will it be exciting? will i have peace in its arrival? death of family, friends, and people i cared for makes me wonder. all i know is i don't want to be alone.
i am normally not this morbid or lonely in my thinking. maybe it is the rain tonight or the cold air coming through my room window. whatever the reason, i wonder about the end and the purpose of my life.
priorities. i know that i am devoted to my studies, but not as much as i am to distractions. team distraction! some of my friends joke that i will be the cause of there gpa's dropping a full point.
i enjoy having fun, especially with friends. i want to live each day fresh, grateful for all the good things that happen. i want to love every person without reservation, and truly get to know them and their quirks. i want to travel and try all things. joy.
what happens in the stillness that i am trying to fill it with everything/ anything? why is it that only at the beach, on top of a dune looking out over the ocean, am i content to be lost in my thoughts and patient in the quite? is it there in the stillness that i have quited my mind to listen? why am i afraid to listen? what will be said to my heart that i am too afraid to hear? may i understand?

Ephesians 3:17-19
and i pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

eye sight- re-framing my world view

What I really believe is really real, is how I view my world and respond in it. The following are seven current world views (and what the bible says about each). Which applies most to how you view your world?

"The one with the most toys, wins" - materialism - Luke 12:15
"I've got to think of me first!" - individualism - Matthew 16:25
"Do whatever feels good" - hedonism - proverbs 21:17
"Whatever works for you" - pragmatism -proverbs 14: 12
"God doesn't exist or matter" - naturalism/ atheism - Romans 1:20-22
"You are your own god" - humanism - Romans 1:25
"God made me for His purpose"- theism - Colossians 1:16

How we view the world shapes our lives. This involves how meaningful or how we explain our world. To get a proper perspective on how God views the world, and you as a part of it focus on the bible. Proverbs talks about learning truth, getting wisdom, self-control and understanding (prov. 23:23). John talks about being discerning in what you hear (1john 4:1). and Corinthians continues to remind us to use the minds we were given (1 cor. 14:20) Romans talks about knowing God (Rom 12:2). and Luke again states that God will give you everything you need day to day if you make God's view a primary concern ( Luke 12:31).

My world view should be through the eye sight of my God.
... still working on using my perscription lenses daily.

where are you going with that?

Christianity is about submission of self to God's law/ will. while the world would have us follow our self intuition/ desires.
sometimes i wonder why i call myself a Christian. I am called to love, share, give of myself, and trust an unseen being with my all. (yes, i chose to be this and then be judged as one.)

knowing this i am struck by the verse in James (4:17) that states "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." i am focused on this passage because just above it James talks about how some men plan a year away carrying on business in a city and making money. - what is wrong with that? is that not what i am doing? i am planning my next three years away to school, study, and making money. but James continues reminding me that we do not know what will happen tomorrow. what is our life; for we are only here on earth a little while. we are temporal.
knowing this, and knowing God, and therefore, knowing that He knows all things, and has prepared good works for us to do (Ephesians 2:10) we should trust that where we go is His will. I am comforted by this thought knowing that God is helping direct me steps. hopefully, i follow the road signs that say with flashing lights: Turn Here!
to choose to follow Gods will ultimately turn out to be so much more than our understanding of the term blessed.

i should not be arrogant and think that my pursuit of happiness in the world will fulfill me. rather, i should seek after the author of my life.